Working For The Government
A United State Government Employee sits in his office and out of boredom, decides to see what's in his old filing cabinet. He pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp."This will look nice on my mantelpiece," he decides, and takes it home with him. While polishing the lamp, a genie appears and grants him three wishes. "I wish for an ice cold diet Coke right now!" He gets his Coke and drinks it. Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish. "I wish to be on an island where beautiful nymphomaniacs reside." Suddenly he is on an island with gorgeous females eyeing him lustfully. He tells the genie his third and last wish. "I wish I'd never have to work ever again." POOF! He's back in his government office.
Excuses... (True story sent in by Cassie)
There were two people named Mary and John. They were very much in love so one Friday night John asked Mary over to his house. And then John got down on his knees and said ,' Mary, Will you marry me?' Mary yelped with joy and said 'Yes'.
So the wedding arrangements were made and everything was set to go. It was the night before the wedding and Mary went over to John's place to persuade him not to serve any alcohol at the Wedding. She heard noises coming from John's bedroom so she went to find him in there. And to her greatest dismay, there was John kissing her best friend Alexis passionately. 'JOHN!', she shrieked. 'WHAT ARE YOU DOING?' Alexis turned a deep red and rushed past Mary. 'John', she said cying. 'How could you do this to me?' 'But Honey', John said. 'We aren't married yet.'
Computer Joke
Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they agree to hold a contest with God as the judge.
They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously for several lines of code streaming up the screen. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity.
Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over.
He asks Satan to show what he had come up with.
Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I have nothing! I lost it all when the power went out." "Very well, then," says God, "let us see it Jesus fared any better."
Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers.
Satan is astonished. and stutters, "But how?! I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?"
God chuckles, "Jesus saves."....
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